


Sugar

by Aimh_harreh



Category: Larries - Fandom, Onedirection - Fandom
Genre: Anxiety, Bottom!Harry, BoyxBoy, Depression, Fluff, Gay, Love, M/M, Medicine, Sexual Assault, Smut, TriggerWarning, Violence, harrystyles, larry - Freeform, larrystylinson, louistomlinson - Freeform, mentalillness, panicattacks, selfharm, top!Louis
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-13
Updated: 2016-02-15
Packaged: 2018-05-20 03:41:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5990602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aimh_harreh/pseuds/Aimh_harreh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis pulled away from the breathtaking kiss and all Harry could do was smile so big his cheeks hurt. Smile because he had just kissed Louis, smile because Louis made him so happy. Smile because he was in love.</p><p>"You're as sweet as sugar, baby."</p><p> Louis said in a whisper as he pulled Harry even closer by his waist.<br/>_______________</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, in this story there will be some graphic content and I advise you to not read if you're easily triggered. Thank you.

The small cold snowflakes fell one after one on his cold and freezing face that was getting wet from the melting flakes. Harry's nose was even more runny than when he left his flat and his curls were damp and falling in his eyes making it hard to see. Harry being Harry had almost fallen over more than six times and the slippery ground did not help. 

He could see the small familiar cozy looking cafe now and he pressed the book in his hand even closer to his chest. Harry's fingers were freezing just like his face and they were red. He could hide them in the oversized coats arms like with the other hand but then he couldn't hold his book and he needed his book so that wouldn't work.

As he entered he was met with the soft jazz music they always played there and with low voices chattering to each other, he loved this place dearly. He came here often especially on Christmas time when it was cold outside and he felt more stressed than ever.

He loosened the grip of his coat and book as he slowly walked up to order. Green tea and a simple muffin. They were so kind to him like always, not asking him to speak up nor stressing him to hurry up and order. Harry liked to take his time with things and did not like to talk loudly that just made his head hurt. He knew some people found it annoying but he chose to simply not be around them.

He went to sit down at his usual table in the corner by the window where he could read his book and look out the window and think about what kind of people the ones walking outside could be, what their stories were. He loved stories, people's life stories the most. He had always been a good listener since he didn't like speaking that much. He unwrapped the long scarf from around his neck and unbuttoned his long too big coat and put them down on the seat next to him before sitting down.

Harry held his cup of tee in one hand and his book in the other with the sleeves of his dark wine red sweater over his hands to keep them from burning on the warm cup and also because he liked it that way. 

There never were a lot of people in this cafe so Harry never felt uncomfortable or suffocated like he could at other public places. He didn't understand why though, this place was surely the best in town and no one walking out of here looked disappointed. But Harry didn't mind, that was just a good thing for him even if he felt selfish for thinking that. 

His thoughts got interrupted when there was excited screeches coming from the door and he had to turn his head that way to see what the fuss was about. It was the owner and some workers who were speaking loudly and greeting someone, slightly annoying Harry. They were hugging someone and they didn't seem to get enough of that person whoever they were. If Harry wasn't so shy and his mind always told him to be nice he would've told them to not be so loud but he just couldn't so instead he turned his head to the window again trying to tune the sounds out.

"I didn't know you were coming darling!" The lady said sounding very excited about it.   
"I wanted it to be a surprise and holiday season is around the corner so why not." A male voice spoke, his voice sounded a little high pitched but Harry enjoyed it. Harry felt a weird attraction towards the voice, it was something he could listen to all day and not grow tired of. Which was a strange feeling for Harry, he did not like speaking a lot, but, he would like speaking to him. To that man with the lovely voice.  
********  
The sounds faded out after a while and Harry could happily go back to reading and sipping his tea in peace. His face had warmed up now and his hands too, they didn't sting anymore like they did when he first got here. Everything just felt nice. 

Harry's hair wasn't damp anymore but it was a mess and he had to run his fingers through it to comb it and keep it out of his face many times. By now he was used to it since he hadn't cut it for a year at least and it was getting shoulder long but he liked it and decided to keep it like that a while ago. Even if his mum had told him to cut it a few times.

"Secret lovers, I love that book, it's great innit'?"  It was a manly yet kind of high pitched voice, it was that voice. 

Harry looked up and his eyes were met by blue ones. Pale icy blue ones framed by long lashes. The mans hair was shorter than his but still a little long, it was rather shaggy and messy. It was damp, probably from the snow melting in the cafes heat but it looked amazing still unlike Harry's mess of hair. He had a bit of stubble and his lips were dark pink just like his flushed cheeks also from the cold winter air. He was wearing a big grey sweater and some black skinnies, he looked wonderful to say the least. He was just beautiful. 

"Yeah, it's really good." Harry answered in his low raspy voice and couldn't help but smile at the pretty lad in front of him. 

"I just love how even though the title is so cliché and you know totally unoriginal-" he chuckled and it was the best thing Harry had heard all day, it gave him butterflies in his stomach it was so pretty. "It turns out to be such a good book everyone should read, non-hetero relationships should be more talked about I think." 

Harry couldn't agree more. When he grew up he always knew he was different, not only in the way he was overall but that he didn't like girls like his friends did, he never wanted to kiss a girl, ever. He did want to kiss one kid, Brandon, he didn't know what was going on since no one talked about everything other that a girl and a boy but of course later on he just knew. Everyone knew. So Harry nodded in agreement to what the man had said. 

The blue eyed lad pulled out the chair in front of Harry asking if it's okay to sit there and Harry said that yes of course it was, being nice and kind Harry that never could say no. The the other lad held his hand out and told him his name was Louis. Harry liked the name very much, he liked the way it rolled off the tongue as you said it. "Harry." He said back and the lad, Louis had shined him the prettiest of smiles making Harry's stomach flutter once again. 

The book was now closed and put away on the table, Harry had stopped reading and was having a conversation with Louis instead, well, Louis handled most of the talking but he liked that. 

Harry didn't even realize that he was staring at Louis' lips while he talked and had blocked out everything else before Louis waved his hand in front of his face. He felt embarrassed and his cheeks got hot but Louis just laughed and Harry realized he had been wrong. That was the prettiest thing he had heard all day. 

"You are not much of a talker are you?" Louis then asked and Harry bit his lip and shook his head, he felt as if Louis maybe was getting annoyed that Harry didn't speak much and was just an awkward person in general. He didn't even understand why Louis had gone up to him and started talking in the first place, Harry was just a not so pretty and strange lad that was nothing special at all. 

He didn't know what time it was and he didn't really care either when Louis stood up from the chair and told Harry he had to go because his sister was home or something like that. He felt sadness come over him, he didn't want Louis to go. He wanted to talk to him forever. He shot that thought away when he realized how utterly selfish that was, of course Louis should go and be with his family.

"I'll see you around, why don't you take my number or something?" Louis asked and struggled to fish his phone up from his pocket in those tight jeans. Harry did the same and dialed in the numbers Louis said out loud and gave Louis his number too. 

"Bye Louis." Harry waved a little when Louis took his jacket from the chair and started putting it on. "Bye Harold." Harry's cheeks got hot and his heart felt warm, Harold.


	2. Two.

It was four days later and Harry had given up on his hope about Louis calling him. He could of course call Louis but harry was all to shy and scared to do so. He had checked his phone to see if there were any new texts or missed calls but nothing, nothing at all. Harry just sighed sadly and went on reading his book.

He wanted to be done with the book before speaking to Louis again, if that would ever happen that is. Louis had talked about how much he enjoyed it and brought up things Harry had not read yet so he wanted to read it out so he was able to really get into the conversation. Also because Louis seemed like a really smart and good person Harry could only dream to be, if Louis liked it Harry did too he had decided.

Harry's mother and his sister Gemma were out shopping for the holidays and Harry wanted to stay home since he couldn't stand the mall. Too many people that stressed and especially now on Christmas time, so no he rather stayed home.

Then, out of nowhere his phone ringed and he rushed like never before to try to find his it and answer. He found it under his pillow and didn't even read the caller id before picking up.

"Hey har-" the lovely soft voice said on the other line but in the middle of his sentence he heard things falling and Harry felt a little worried Louis had hurt himself on something. He felt relief when Louis began speaking again and breathed out slowly. 

"Oops," He chuckled and Harry just smiled at the cute comment. 

"Hi," Harry breathed out.

"Sorry I haven't called, my family have been all over me since I don't come here often, we can talk about that some later though. I'd like to meet you again Harold,"    
Harry's heart felt warm and he smiled big, not sure if it was the fact that Louis called him Harold again which he liked so much or because Louis wanted to see him again. Probably both.

"Me too, cafe?" Harry asked hesitant being short of ideas where to go. He never went anywhere with friends so he didn't know many places to go with Louis. 

"Sure, meet you there in twenty?" He was surprised Louis wanted to meet so quickly and didn't know if he could make it but he would just have to hurry.

"Okay, see you," The line went dead and Harry ran to the bathroom. 

As he looked at himself in the mirror he felt kind of uneasy. He didn't like how messy his hair was and how unruly his curls were. He didn't like how lanky and long he was and how his tummy would stick out if he didn't suck it in. He didn't like how his eyelashes weren't as pretty as Louis' but then again whos were? Everything on Louis was beautiful while nothing on Harry was.

He brushed his teeth and then his hair, it still looked bad but he was in a hurry and didn't have time to brush it more or try to make it look good. He put on some cologne, his favorite. It wasn't too strong so his head hurt and he felt nauseous but you could still smell it on him if you hugged him or just came close to him.

He decided to go for some black skinnies and a Christmassy sweater that was red with a green Christmas tree on it. He felt as if it maybe was a bit overkill but it was really cozy so Harry just took it anyways. He put on some camel brown colored boots,his long coat and grey scarf as well before leaving the flat.  
********  
" I'm so sorry I'm late, it's just a long way from home and I don't drive I should've said it took at least half an hour," Harry just felt ashamed and rambled on but Louis didn't seem angry at all, he just sat sipping some tea that smelled awfully good and looked as calm as ever. 

"It's fine Harry I figured twenty minutes maybe was too short, don't worry about it," Louis assured Harry that still was feeling really bad about coming fifteen minutes late. He nodded and sat down putting down his coat and scarf next to him as always.

Louis had sat down at the table Harry always sits at maybe because he wanted to be nice, maybe because he liked it too or maybe it was just a coincidence. 

He looked down in front of him and saw that not only Louis had a cup of tea but Harry too. Green tea and a simple muffin. 

"I ordered you something too, while I ordered my Yorkshire," The blue eyed lad smiled him, with his pretty heartwarming smile. "Green tea right?" Louis asked looking unsure if he had ordered the right tea for Harry. 

"You shouldn't have, I'll pay you back, next time I'll buy yours," He didn't like when people bought him something or borrowed him money, he didn't like owing people things. But this time he would have to meet Louis again and buy him his tea and that he would like so maybe it wasn't that bad at all.

"No it's fine Harry it's just some tea and a muffin," Louis said kindly and Harry gave him a short nod and started drinking his tea that's still was hot but not so it burned his tongue.

"So, you live quite close to here or?" Louis asked him and Harry couldn't stop looking at the pretty lad in front of him. He was just so perfect. 

But he would never let himself fall for him, he hated love.

His father had ruined love for him when he was little. He would treat his family badly and cheat on his mother. He would hear his mother cry often, or fighting with his father. He couldn't understand why she didn't leave him but then he was only fifteen. He now understood that his mother even when treated like crap, loved him. Even when being cheated on and yelled at and abused. Harry was beat and scolded a lot too. For being gay. 

Since then he hated love. He hated love and he hated that he liked guys. He was just a worthless disgusting fuck in his fathers words. His own father couldn't accept him so why should he himself do that. 

He snapped out of his sad memories and felt his eyes burn so he tried to only focus on the boy in front of him that was smiling softly and waiting for Harry to answer his question. 

"Yes like a thirty minute walk, I live with my mum and sister," He didn't know why he added that he lived with his mum and sister, Louis didn't ask about that. He surely didn't care too.

"That so lovely. I miss my family. They moved here from Doncaster two years ago, I stayed since I applied to a uni there and got in, it's really great I get to play so much footie," He must be older than Harry he thought. But that meant he was more mature too and he liked hanging out with mature people. 

"That's a pretty long drive," He murmured and didn't think Louis would hear but he did.

"Yes but I visit on holidays and whenever I have the money or time," 

He never stopped smiling, he must be a happy person. Harry wished he could be too, he felt happy sometimes of course. Often he needed some help from pills. He never was the same after his dad and the bullying in his old school. He just spiraled down a sad lane but he was used to it by now.

"You have a wonderful smile." Harry mumbled and this time he really hoped Louis wouldn't hear because he didn't mean to say it out loud and that would be really embarrassing. 

"You too." Crap.


	3. Three.

"You are so beautiful Harry." Louis' fingers running across his yaw and up to his curls tugging lightly. 

Harry feels his cheeks grow hotter and he smiles big. Louis thinks he is beautiful. 

Louis hair is messy , a pretty messy, his eyes glow in the dim light and his lips look more kissable than ever. 

"May I kiss you?" Louis asks while his sight flickers up and down between Harry's eyes and lips. 

Harry just bites his lip and nods, of course he can. Louis cradles his face and licks his lips.

Just as Louis leans in he fades away, almost like the smoke you can blow out on a cold winter day. A sudden cold feeling coming over him. Now it's darker than before and he barely can see his hands he is holding up in front of  him.

"You disgust me Harry." The harsh voice says.  
"How could you ever do that to me? To your mother?" He knows that voice and he sure didn't miss it.

"Faggot." The word burns every inch of his body into his lungs making it hard to breathe. 

Wind is blowing him so hard in the face he has to hold his arms up as a shield. The word echoes in his head getting louder and louder for every time.

He feels so weak and so hurt and he gasps for air still not getting any. He yells, from the bottom of his lungs, as loud as he is able to. 

 

"Harry! Baby, wake up!" Anne's voice was more than worried and her words came out shaky. 

Harry's eyes shot open and he noticed them already tearing and he just hugged his mother as hard as he could. The sobs grew louder and he nuzzled even closer into her chest as she rubbed his scalp comforting.

"It was only a dream honey." She assured Harry and he nodded slowly. He knew it was only a dream, he had a lot of those. They were constant when his father left but they stopped, the last one before this was on the summer why the hell did they come back. 

Was it because of Louis? That he triggered the dreams of his disapproving father? Was it because he possibly liked Louis a little bit? How could that be? he only just met him?

Now the crying went over to hyperventilating and he knew all to well that soon the panic attack would come too and he hated those the most. 

They made him feel like he was dying and he could do nothing about it, nothing at all.

His breaths became harder to take it felt like the air got thinner by the breath. His sight became blurry and it got all black between the times he blinked. He was lucky Anne was holding him and supporting him because his body became weak and he would have fallen to the ground if he was standing. He choked on his sobs and felt scared, Harry was always just as afraid as the first time even if he had experienced these more times than he could count.

"Shh baby, breathe deeply and try to go to sleep."  Anne told him like she usually did. It did help falling asleep but it always took a while since he had to steady his breathing and that was not the most simple of things. 

"I'm going to die, I'm going to die, diediedie." Harry mumbled to himself over and over again because that's what it truly felt like.  
Like he was slowly, painfully dying. Like he was ten feet under the water and his lungs were being filled up with it, he was going blind and his body was giving in. 

"No baby, it's okay. I love you so, so much." His mother told him and he wanted to say he loved her too because he really did but all he could get out were only those few words he repeated over and over again until he let himself fall deeper and deeper into the calm dark rest again called sleep.

Harry was scared of sleeping the days after that and his brain didn't like his actions at all. His head hurt like crazy and he felt sick and was dizzy. But it was better going without sleep and feeling like this rather than the horrible panic attacks and dreams that could come back again, he decided. 

At midnight the second night he had almost fallen asleep many times and it frustrated him so much, he had tried distracting himself with reading, watching movies or drawing but it stopped helping after a while. 

If he had friends he probably could go to a party even if he didn't like those that much but right now he didn't even care. 

Louis came to his mind, he could text Louis. 

But Louis seemed as a responsible person who would be sleeping by now, Harry felt extremely tempted texting him though.

He rolled up the sleeves of his jumper and ran his fingertips against the pale skin, fading scars causing it to be a little bumpy. He always used to self harm when his dad still lived with them, when the dreams were constant, when the bullying was so bad, when his depression began. 

He was so proud when he finally went clean, it would be six months clean on New Year's Eve and he hoped he could celebrate that day still clean. He would dig his nails into the skin of his palms, he would scratch or snap the rubber tie against his wrists but at least he didn't cut or burn himself like before so these things wouldn't leave more scars like those he already had. 

He thought scars were beautiful, just not his. Everything on him was worse than on others. He knew everyone agreed even if they never said it out loud. 

His eyes began burning and his throat began feeling like it was closing from all of the thoughts, not a single day would go by without him doubting himself or just simply making himself feel awful for being him.

He quickly reached forward from his sitting position against the wall on his small bed and picked up his phone. 

He wanted to hear that boys lovely voice again to distract him from all the overthinking and tiredness.


	4. Four.

He had insisted on meeting Harry even if it was late, even if Harry said he really didn't have to bother but Louis wanted to.

Harry did feel guilty because he knew he had woken Louis up, he knew he was a burden. He knew from the raspy and groggy voice he had thought it was so sexy and immediately slapped the thought away, he knew he was being annoying. Yet Louis wanted to meet him and he felt happy that someone would do that for him.

The lights blinded him and he squinted his eyes to try to see, the car stopped right in front of him and inside sat the familiar boy. Harry opened the door and smiled like it was a reflex already, Louis had a tendency to do that to him. 

Harry had told him his address so that Louis could come pick him up there, Harry knew it wasn't the smartest to tell people you just met your address but Louis was an exception, Harry trusted him from the start whether that was really strange or not.

"Hello gorgeous," Louis' voice came out softer than ever and Harry blushed at his words. People other than his mum or sister never called him things like that, all they did was call him names that left a burning feeling in his stomach and would bring tears to his eyes whenever he heard them again.

"Hey," He murmured the smile not leaving his face and not looking away from the boy next to him. 

Louis wasn't looking back, he started up the car again and started driving. He looked concentrated and so pretty, his eyelashes looked extra long and bent from the side and he looked like he hadn't shaved in a while but Harry thought he looked really attractive like that too. 

He snapped out of his trance and staring hoping Louis hadn't noticed him staring like a creep. He cleared his throat and played with his fingers instead.

"So, where are we going?" Harry finally asked when he got more curious by the second. He had only been out with Louis in the cafe one other time. Even if he enjoyed that very much he liked that they were going somewhere else this time. 

Louis chuckled while the sides of his eyes crinkled up and his small fingers brushed through the messy fringe before doing a shaking motion letting it fall back almost looking exactly the same. He looked so cute, thought Harry. Like a kitten almost.

"Don't know, I'm just driving until we find some place to stop by," The feeling of excitement rushed over Harry but at the same time he felt scared. 

They could get lost, they could get into a crash or get robbed or whatever. He was always so paranoid, that was the reason he didn't go to many places and also didn't like cars that much either. Harry felt like he could crash and die at any moment. He tried to push that thought away and only focus on the excitement the best he could.

 

Harry had almost fallen asleep even if that was exactly what he was trying not to do. The music blasting though the speakers, the view outside the window and hearing Louis sing and hum along sometimes just soothed him. He wasn't scared to sleep anymore. 

What the hell had Louis done with his head, making it a bigger mess than already it was.   
Harry didn't mind the mess right now though, not with the short blue eyed lad around.

The car stopped and the music tuned out slowly, Harry lifted his head from the window and turned his eyes to Louis. They were already looking at him, smile in Louis' lips like always. 

"I thought here looked beautiful," He said and shrugged his shoulders gesturing outside as Harry's eyes shot outside and saw that Louis was absolutely right. 

There was a view of the town and they were high up on what seemed as a hill, it wasn't public at all there were trees surrounding it. Harry was curious of how Louis had found this place, it was far out of the city and in a kind of private place. 

"It's great Louis, come lets go out," Harry said excited and suddenly the tiredness was all gone.

 

They didn't care that it was really cold outside, they sat on a big rock a few feet away from where Louis had parked. Apparently Louis for some reason had a big and warm blanket in his trunk, that he took out and wrapped around them.  
Even if it was big they had to sit really close but Harry didn't mind. 

It was all great at this moment, he could breathe better than ever because of the clear air up there. He had the best view, sat right next to the best person he knew, expect his mum and sister of course. 

This person was so pretty and he smelled so nice, he smelled of vanilla and strawberry and just clean all at once. All smells Harry enjoyed, he wanted to lean in and smell him more and it took him a lot of self control not to do so.

It had been quiet for a while but still not awkward. Harry loved it. He really appreciated Louis for being so easy to be with, not feeling pressured to talk a lot and be someone he just isn't. Louis seemed to accept him for who he is. He had finally found a friend, someone who he liked a whole lot already.

"Harry, I'm sorry for asking and you don't have to answer. I, I noticed on your voice over the phone and when I first picked you up that you, you, sounded sad? And your eyes were like, you know, not as lively as they are now.. You were not, not like your usual self.." 

Harry felt almost surprised by the sudden question, he didn't know Louis noticed, no one ever does. They just don't think about it he figured. 

He could hear in Louis voice that he wanted to be as casual and in a way not invade Harry's space by his tone which that too was appreciated.

"I was just, it, it's nothing," Harry sighed, he wanted to tell him, he wanted to tell him about the dreams and the panic attacks and the thoughts he always has but he didn't want to complain when others have it much worse. He didn't want to put all his problems on Louis,he didn't deserve it. 

Louis always seemed so happy and caring and he was great and Harry didn't want to ruin it. He didn't want to scare him away.

Louis nodded slowly and licked his lips looking down at the city. You couldn't see it you could only see all the city lights and all the lights from the houses and it looked really pretty Harry thought. 

He usually didn't like it, it seemed ugly and boring and full with people just like it. Including himself.

"You can always talk to me you know Harry, I'd love to listen to whatever you have to say. I care," Louis said almost whispering but Harry heard him loud and clear. He felt warm inside. 

"Thank you Lou," He liked the nickname that he had just suddenly blurted out, Louis was pretty too but Lou felt more personal. More like a name you give to someone that you have some sort of connection to. Like a friend.

He could only wish and hope Louis wouldn't just leave him like everybody else. That he would get to keep this wonderful person for just a bit longer at least.

"You're cold Harry," Louis pointed out giving Harry a worried look. 

Yes, Harry had noticed his hands beginning to hurt and slightly shake. Yes, his cheeks and nose started to sting too. But, he didn't want to leave from there, that moment and he didn't want to whine about it. So, no, he wasn't going to agree on that, it's just a small and silly thing.

"No I'm fine," Harry tried assuring the other boy. He tried to smile but his cheeks were numb and cold so it turned out looking really halfhearted.

Without warning Louis grabbed Harry's hands, Louis had cold hands too just not as cold as Harry's were. 

"No, you are really cold," His hands were soft, like a baby's. They were small, maybe not quite like a baby's but almost.

He pulled his hands away and tucked them into his pockets. If he said he was fine why would Louis not listen? 

"I am fine," He said between his gritted teeth and Louis sighed, his eyes falling to his lap. 

"It's late, we should go," He told Harry and Harry felt his happiness go away for a quick second. He didn't want to go, he had already grown to love this place. It was something new and something wonderful.

But then he remembered he still is with Louis and he should not be selfish, if he wished to go home Harry would of course respect that.

He nodded and jumped down from the big rock right after Louis had, he almost, almost fell over since the ground was slippery. 

He had let out a little sound when trying to regain his balance and Louis just chuckled.

"Let's go watch a movie!" Louis exclaimed smiling big.  
"Didn't you have to go home?" Harry asked confused, that was what Louis had said wasn't it?

"I, I'm in a mood to just hang out and I, you know, thought it would be fun.." His words were fading out almost like he wasn't even sure himself of what he wanted to say. 

Harry kept looking at him, how his eyes flickered all around and his hands either gripped the wheel really harsh or his fingertips tapped it uncontrollably. He was so pretty and just so, so fascinating.

"Okay, I just, I said that because I knew you were cold and, I'm sorry okay?" He breathed out, his words came out hastily and he was not looking back at Harry. 

Was he possibly nervous, scared? Oh no, he had sounded mad when he pulled his hands away Harry realized. Harry felt guilty, he could never do things right.

He knew he had the tendency to get really mad or break down over the smallest things. He didn't want to and didn't mean to but it just did. People always told him how sensitive he was for that and he knew they were right. 

He just wished he could control it around people he liked at least.

"I'm sorry for sounding mad before," Harry began and licked his lips before continuing.

"Of course we can hang out," He added and did his best to sound happy and nice and hoped Louis would notice that he really didn't mean to come out as an asshole when all Louis did was care for him.

He nodded eagerly and turned the volume of the music in his car up much more, almost enough to give Harry a headache. But it was okay. 

They had been driving for a while and Harry began recognizing some places. 

He recognized the park he had walked to some nights when everything got too much and needed to clear his mind. He loved that park because there was a pretty fountain by the end of it, you had to walk a quite long way but Harry didn't mind.

"I love this park," He caught himself blurting out not turning away from his window. 

"What about it?" His voice was soft and he sounded genuinely interested in whatever Harry said.

"I don't even know. It's nothing special about it. I have just always went there to clear my mind and to be by myself. It's like my safe space," He now looked at Louis who nodded slowly and flickered his sight between the road and Harry.

"Maybe it doesn't need to be seen as special by everyone to be special to you. Just because there isn't something big and fascinating there like a crazy water park or the worlds best cafe, whatever people find cool nowadays. Does not mean it can't be meaningful and special to you, "

He was absolutely right Harry thought, Louis was so smart and so understanding about everything. He was so extraordinary. 

"For example I've never thought of it that much it's just a park to me, but to you it's something more. That's how life works. Everyone can't see the same beauty as others in the same things," 

Harry couldn't look away from Louis, the way his cheekbones were so defined and sharp in the dim light, how his eyelashes fluttered when he blinked or how his lips moved and the words left them as soft as feathers. 

Louis turned his head quickly toward Harry and looked right back in his eyes. Harry knew that if he stared too long into them he would get lost in the big ocean that is Louis eyes.  
"Or people,"

They had passed his favorite cafe about ten minutes ago and they turned left by it instead of right where Harry usually goes when he walks home.

The car now stopped, they were surrounded by pretty decorated houses and snow everywhere lying like a blanked over the place. It's like he had left the ugly boring town he knew and went to a beautiful different one, where there only lived people just like it. 

Harry hadn't realized that the boy had stepped out already and skipped to his side of the car and opened the door for him. He smiled big down at Harry who smiled right back.

"Come on it's bloody cold," Harry nodded and stepped out, Harry hugged himself due to the cold air and breathed out steamy breaths.

Louis walked in front of him towards one of the prettiest decorated houses. It wasn't too much so that you felt sick of all the lights hitting you in the face but also not to little so that it looked like you didn't even try. It was just right.

"Home sweet home," Louis turned the lights on and gestured for Harry to go inside before him. 

"It's really pretty here Louis, I've never been in this part of the town," Harry stated as he began unwrapping the scarf around his neck and unbuttoning the coat.

"Well thank you, my parents really do fancy holidays," He chuckled and hung up his jacked along with Harry's coat.

"I figured we could just order home some food and sit by the fire warming up and chat?" Louis' eyes almost lit up and he looked so excited for some reason. Guess he forgot about the movie, not that Harry complained.

"Sounds more than great," Harry smiled and nodded once.   
"Pizza?"   
"Pizza," Louis agreed.

And with that Harry knew that this place truly was different and beautiful, where people just like it live. Even if it's only for a while when visiting their parents.

 

They had ended up only ordering fries and one classic pepperoni pizza since Louis had said he wasn't feeling very hungry.

The fire really was warm and comforting as the heat spread all over him and crackled by his ear. Harry wouldn't mind having one at his own house.

"Tell me about your family, Harold," Harry would never get tired of that name and his stomach apparently never would stop flipping everytime.

"Well, I live with my mom and my older sister Gemma," He spoke slowly and looked at Louis before putting another fry in his mouth. 

"How much older?" Louis wiggled his eyebrows and Harry huffed, he wasn't sure if it was meant to be a joke or he really was interested. Which in that case Harry would feel really sad.

"Two years," Harry spoke much more quiet this time.

"As old as me then," Louis smirked and Harry didn't know whether to be sad that he possibly wanted to go for his sister or excited because he is friends with someone older and they don't find him childish or just a weirdo.

Then it became quiet, it was on the edge of awkward.  
Harry stared and the first slice off pizza in Louis' hand that was barely eaten at all. Maybe one or two bites were taken. He decided to change the subject.

"What about your family?" He asked and bit down on his already third slice of greasy pizza.

"well, there's my mom, my stepdad and my six siblings," he chuckled and Harry's eyes blew wide. Six?!

"Yes, six," he assured Harry and patted his knee jokingly.

"That's, a lot," Harry joined the quiet laughter.

"Where are they all now?" 

"sleeping, it's oddly quiet, they usually want to stay up with me or bombard me with questions about what I want for my birthday," birthday? But it's Christmas soon why would they ask that?

"When is that?" Harry asked and looked at Louis who was leaning against the big sofa and hugging his knees looking between Harry and the fire in front of them. 

"Twenty fourth," he said and smiled.

"That's soon," Harry said and all Louis did was nod in agreement.


End file.
